The Hospital ~ surgery

So Addison had to go into the hospital after our recheck at the doctors on Saturday morning. It was all very scary, surreal, unexpected, terrifying, and nothing you would ever think to expect when you have a baby. The thought of her going into the hospital for something for some reason never crossed my mind. So her pediatrician sent us to the children's hospital for some blood work and a cat scan since her lymph node was not getting any better on antibiotics.

Here was are waiting in the children's ER. I might look calm and collected but on the way from her doctor to the hospital I called quite a few people crying so hard they couldn't understand me. My mom jumped in her car and came up from where she lives (about 1 1/2 hours from us) and my friend S came to the hospital to meet me since Carlton was working and could not get off. Thank God for S since I could not have done this on my own!
She was great for the CT scan and they let me go back with her and stand by her the whole time. She had to get an IV put in and of course it was very traumatic for both her and me. Plus she has horrible veins. Then we talked to the doctors and they decided to admit her. They said she needed surgery to open up the abscess in her neck and drain it and send it off for a culture since it was so big (6 to 7 cm) and so deep in her neck. We waited in the ER for a very long time (from 10:30 to about 4:30 or 5). This whole time she hadn't eaten anything since her morning bottle at 7:30am. She was so tired and hungry and scared. It was heart breaking. Finally at 4 I had enough of waiting on a answer about when or if they were going to do surgery (they were thinking about doing it that afternoon) and I just fed her a bottle against doctors orders. I'm glad I did since 2 hours later they decided to wait and do it in the am

At 5 or so they wheeled us up into our room in the children's hospital. By now my mom, my husband's parents and my friend S were all there. Addison sat up in the hospital bed the whole way up like a big girl. Once we got to the room they had to get all of her vitals, get her iv hooked up and get us settled in for the night. After all of the trauma of the day they told us the she couldn't eat after midnight that night since she was going to have surgery some time the next day (Sunday).

To say that the first night in the hospital was rough was a understatement. Addison was so hungry from all of her missed meals, she was tired from lack of sleep, she was scared of all the people in and out, and was feeling horrible from the fever. Plus they had to check on her more frequently because of the fever. I think I got a total of 2 or 3 hours of sleep and she got maybe 5, most of which was with me holding her the whole night. It was BAD.

The next morning we were just waiting around for them to come get her for surgery. Luckily they took us down around 10 to get prepared. I held it together pretty good through all the initial stuff, and they gave her some good drugs to keep her calm so they could take her and she wouldn't freak out. It is hard to describe the feeling of utter terror and helplessness when you know your baby is going to be taken by strangers and you don't know if you will ever see them again. I know that people have surgery every day and they doctors so this all the time but things can always happen. It was 100% the most horrible feeling I have ever felt kissing her forehead and letting go of her chubby little hands and watching her be wheeled away from me into surgery. If my mom had not have been there I would have just crumpled on the floor.

The surgery took about 1 1/2 hours to complete and one of the anesthesiologist came out after they got her under and intubated to tell us she did great going under that she didn't cry at all and they were getting ready to start. That made me feel somewhat better. The waiting was so hard and my mom and the waiting room attendant tried to keep me distracted but every time someone walked into the room I nearly jumped out of my skin.

When they finally came to get us and take us back to recovery I practically ran them over. Seeing my little baby covered in tubes and wires and gauze and knowing she had made it through was such a relief. I know the doctor was talking to us but I don't remember any of what he said, I was only thinking about Addison (I did call one of the residents later that day and he explained everything over the phone to me). They let me hold her and she was so sad, her throat was scratchy and hoarse from the tube and she was confused and hungry and I am sure in pain. They gave her some clear liquids pretty quickly and I have never seen her suck something down so fast and scream and thrash so violently once it was gone. She went through 2 more bottles and finally calmed down a little. Then she started crying and pushing away from me and arching her back and nothing I did was making her happy. They warned me before surgery that this can happen after anesthesia but it was heartbreaking seeing her do it and not knowing how to make it better. She finally fell asleep in my arms. They decided to take us back up to our room after 30 or 45 minutes in recovery. She spent pretty much the rest of the day sleeping and eating and when she finally woke up she was calm and much quieter than usual but seemed to be feeling better.

That night we both got more sleep, she slept, I am sure, because of the effects of the anesthesia and I slept because I was so exhausted. Plus the nurses didn't have to come in quite as frequently since she was not running a fever anymore. I think she got almost 10 hours of sleep and I slept a good 6 or 7 broken up hours.

She ended up with a bandage around her neck and a pin rose drain in to help drain any of the fluid and or pus that collected back in the site after surgery. She actually didn't mess with either and never seemed to be bothered by the fact that her neck was wrapped up. Did I mention that daddy had to work while all of this was happening. His job doesn't have any sick time and very little personal time (most of which has been used) and he couldn't find anyone to switch with him. Luckily my mom stayed with me until Monday night.

2 days of our 5 day ordeal. To be continued tomorrow.....