Amish here I come, 4w1d

YEA! Today is Friday (well at least for me). I am leaving tomorrow to head up to PA with a good friend of mine to spend a week staring at the Amish. Okay maybe not the whole week but I am very excited to see real live Amish people. Do not ask me what my fascination is with them, I can not explain it I just think they are so cool! We are going to be visiting some "traditional" Amish farms. Yes I do know that these "traditional" Amish farms are not really real since no self respecting Amish person would let us non plain people into their lives, but hey it is the closest I am going to get to Amish life so I will take it! We are also going to go to Hershey Park and eat lots of chocolate! YUM! One night we are going to head into town (yep I will be in the middle of no where PA) and see a movie and eat Mexican food with another one of our friends that lives in PA. All in all I think it is going to be a great vacation. The hubs is staying here to work and take care of the crew at home. We had this planned to help me get away from all the stress and pain from the miscarriage, but now we have a even bigger reason to celebrate and it will help distract me from the dreaded 2WW for the ultrasound.

As for the nugget she is doing well as far as I can tell, she is causing some MAJOR heartburn already, time to pull out the big tub of smooth Tums to carry with me wherever I go! I am also having some cramping, I had this last time also, but of course this time every time I feel it I start to think something is going wrong. I am having some slight nausea still and I am super tired and starting the more frequent trips to the potty. Don't you just love the word potty! potty. HeHe Trying not to stress out about this pregnancy as much as I did with the last one, since stressing didn't help one tiny bit. I guess it is just a wait, hope, pray, trust kinda deal. Lord please keep this nugget safe and growing that is all I ask.

I will be without the internets while I am in Amish country but I promise I will be back with lots of Amish pictures (yes I am aware they do not like their pictures taken) and stories, I can't wait!!!!! AMISH HERE I COME!

4w! doctor visit and vet.

I had my first doctors appointment yesterday and it went really great, actually better than expected. I got there and just expected them to do a urine pregnancy test (they did, it was positive!) and then for them to just have Dr. C talk to me and maybe draw some blood. So we get back into the exam room and the nurse grabs one of those great little paper drapes, gotta love those things, and rolls in the ultrasound machine. She starts lubing up the probe and rolls the probe condom on and says okay bottoms off Dr. C will be in shortly. I think I just sorta stood there with my mouth hanging open. A ultrasound at 3w6d? What? So I got undressed and put that stupid little paper drape over my bottom and waited patiently. In walks Dr. C with a big ole grin on her face. She was so happy to see us back so soon! She explained that we will probably only be able to see a thickened lining at this point but we want to make sure that everything looks good and normal. So up went the vaginal wand and she started pushing and turning and clicking and measuring. I think this was the longest ultrasound I have ever had, and the most painful. It felt like she was trying to jab that wand straight up into my throat. Then after the wand was extracted she decided to just "feel up there and make sure it all feels okay". OW!!! She said everything looked good I have a good thick lining, although I do have some fluid behind my uterus so she thinks I may have had a cyst that burst and the fluid is hanging around back there. I also have a fibroid in my uterus that is about 1cm according to her calculations, but it is high up in my uterus and she does not think it will cause any problems.

After we were finished violating my cervix she moved on to how to proceed from here. She gave me the option to come back in a week for another ultrasound, get blood work pulled for hormone levels that day and then 2 days later to see how they are increasing, or wait for 2 weeks and have a ultrasound with their ultrasound tech when we should be able to see a heartbeat, or to do all 3. See why I love this doctor! DH and I decided that we will just wait for the 2 week ultrasound, I don't want to stress myself with the blood work if it is not increasing as I think it should and I will be out of town all next week so I can't have an ultrasound done then. I don't want any undue stress while I am trying to enjoy my vacation so 2 weeks it is. That is not that far away right? 2 weeks is not that long to worry and fret about how the nugget is progressing?!? Happy thoughts Happy thoughts.....

The equine vet called me back yesterday also. She said fat boys blood work was okay. Not great and not horrible. His thyroid is right in the normal range but his glucose is a little high. Normal fasting glucose is anywhere from 7-20 and his was 27. Of course he had just had breakfast but she seems to think he is in the borderline insulin resistant category. Great. So the plan is to put him on a supplement (Quiessence) and see if that helps and then maybe pull a fasting blood draw on him and see where his glucose sits with that. She is also going to come out and do a biopsy of his lump since the oral steroids did nothing to decrease the size of the lump. That's going to be real fun, I will defiantly have to get pictures of that adventure!

Vet visit and 3w 6d!

The other day the vet came out to give all the horses at the stable their fall shots and to take a look at a lump I noticed on my boy a few weeks ago when I was cleaning his sheath. He got his shots and has some blood drawn to run a thyroid and blood sugar level since he is a little on the chunky side even though he eats less food than the donkey does. Hopefully that will all come back in the normal range and she will tell me he is just "an easy keeper". As for the lump as soon as she felt it her face took on an expression that would have been comical in another situation and she looked up at me and said "well this is different, I have never felt a lump like this". Great. Just what I wanted to hear. Apparently it is not a "normal" tumor lump, nor is it a normal "lump" lump. It appears to have swelling around it but seems to be firm in the center but movable under the skin and not attached to the body wall. In other words she has no F@&*ing clue what it is. Step one is to give him a few days of an oral steroid to try and remove some of the swelling around the lump so we can get a better idea of how big it is. She also gave me some topical steroid powder to mix into a tube of Desitin and apply to the area since he has been biting and rubbing it. So now the skin around his sheath is a smooth as a babies bottom! Hopefully once the swelling goes down she will come back out and take a small section of the lump and send it off for a biopsy. He's gonna love that!

Nugget seems to be doing well. Of course being the worry wort that I am I have been taking HPTs every morning and they are getting darker every day! YEAH! Hopefully that mean we can cross the first hurdle in the "lets keep this nugget in the womb" race which is, everyone say it with me:
Chemical Pregnancy

I have a doctor's appointment today and I am very glad they are taking this pregnancy seriously. Most of the time my doctor won't see you until you are at least 8 weeks so a big thanks to Dr. C! I will hopefully post another blog tonight once we get back from Dr. C's but I can't promise anything since I have been so exhausted by the end of the day! Not to mention already having some slight nausea, but BRING IT ON if it means this nugget is staying!! I'll take it all!

yep it is true, 3w 4d

The following anouncement is brought to you by Judas the Betrayer.
"I am very sorry of all of the pain I have put Stumbull through. As repentace for all of the pain and trauma I bring to all of you out in bloggerworld a peace offering:

Yep it is true, I am pregnant with a brand new nugget!!! Thanks to Judas for blabbing to the blogworld. I am 3 weeks 4 days today. I know super early but I figured if something is going to happen, Lord I hope not, but if it does I will be on here talking about it so I might as well anounce this on here to. Plus it is pretty safe since not many of the people who read this blog know me in "real" life. I am keeping it a secret from the "real" world until I am out of my first trimester. So if you are from my "real" life and reading this please keep it to yourself and feel honored that you know before almost anyone!

blowing in the wind (well sorta)

I got my vinyl decals from Single Stone Studios in the mail the other day and I love them. It is a tree to go in the guest/hopefully someday baby room. It goes really great with the set of pictures that I got from another Etsy store TR Mack Studio. I think it completes the room nicely and hopefully one day soon we will be able to use the room for its intended purpose, a babies room. The plan is to put the crib right under the tree, which is why I put the tree a little higher on the wall. I also want to hang the baby name sort of in the tree with the painted wooden letters that are so in right now. No I have not been thinking about this forever or anything. All we need now is a positive pregnancy test, and healthy viable embryo, and a crib! Come on baby!

Update on Grandma

Well my grandma is getting out of the hospital today. She seems to be doing better although not 100%. Because of her advanced age (83) she is not a candidate for any surgery to get remove the clot and she has chosen not to have the clot "blown up" as she says since the doctors told her that having that done carried a big risk of causing a stroke. So off she goes home with oxygen, blood thinners and a home health nurse to come to her house a few times a week to monitor her and draw blood so that she does not have to make trips to the hospital for monitoring. She lives a good 30 ot 4 minutes from the closest hospital and when the ambulance came to get her it took them over 35 minutes each time! I guess living in the country has its ups and downs but this is defiantly a big time down!
I have to say I am very very disappointed in the hospital she was taken to. Maybe not so much the hospital itself or the main nurses, of course there were one or two that were not very nice, but by the support staff at this hospital. She was in the hospital twice. Once for 2 days but only in the ER that time and then she was back again the next day for a week. They second visit she was only in the ER for the first day and then she was moved to a room in the main hospital. Here is where the disappointment stems from. First the nurses seem to be very over worked and understaffed. Now I work in a hospital, albeit not with patients, but still I know a little bit about how it all works. She was in a private room for 6 days and not ONCE did they change her bedsheets! NOT ONCE. She was in the room from a Saturday night until I got there on Monday on the same sheets. How is this acceptable? We had to request clean sheets and a clean gown and towels and give her a bath and change her bedsheets ourselves. She has ONE sponge bath after she requested it. I mean WTF! Then after we changed them Monday they had not be changed again. Today is Thursday so you do the math. She had her first real bath on Monday and then again on Wednesday and both times my aunt had to bathe her herself. Where the heck is the support staff, the nurse assistants or the freaking candy stripers? Housekeeping came in once and "swept" the floor if you can even call standing in a doorway and sweeping 3 feet in front of you sweeping. I am very glad she is getting out there. At least she will get better care at home, not to mention clothing that actually has a back to them and clean "drawers" of course pronounced 'draws' for all you non southerners" as she calls them. I am glad that she has my aunt to be there with her, since her son, my father, is MIA and has been for 23 years and her other daughter can't be bothered by anything that might interfere with her schedule.
Hopefully she will continue to recover at home and the clot with dissolve on its own. I love you grandma!

Grandma

Please everyone pray for my grandmother she is back in the hospital with a large blood clot in her lungs. Will update when I know more.

when it rains it pours

Warning: This blog entry is going to contain lots and lots of bitching, complaining, woe is meing, and overall general down and depressing things about my life at the present moment. Just so you are prepared.

Anyone ever hear the term "when it rains it pours"? Well my life feels a bit like that right now. It seems that everything is falling in around me and I am completely powerless to do anything about it.

My cat has been limping for about a week when I finally decided to take him into the vet. Yeah Yeah, what a horrible person to make your cat wait so long. What you don't know is my cat has FUS so going to the vet can actual cause him to stop urinating which is much more life threatening than a little limp. Long story short he has bone spur growths in both of his back leg knee joints. Surgery is not an option, one has already broken off hence the limping, and if they both break off and rupture his joints there is nothing we can do. See all sunshine and roses. drip.

As you may recall my horse has had some smelly issues with his man parts. I was rechecking down in that region when I was at the stable the other day to make sure I got it all squeaky clean when I noticed a lump right next to his sheath on the left side. Now being a grey horse he is more prone to tumors, and this lump happens to be in one of the 3 main regions that these tumors appear. So the vet was called and is coming out next week to check that out. Not freaking out at all or anything....drip, drip.

Then last night I am getting dinner prepared and I get a call from my aunt that my grandma has been taken to the ER. She was really dehydrated and having severe diarrhea for almost a week. So far the doctors have not found any reason, but they are thinking she ate some bad lunch meat and perhaps got overheated also. They did say they could tell she had suffered a few minor strokes a while back. This women means the world to me, she is my father's mother, my only living grandparent. When my father ran off with his drug addicted aerobic instructor (true story, maybe a later time) when I was 6 she was there taking over the roll as best she could. The doctors are convinced she is fine but man it was and still is very scary. drip, drip, drip.

I think all the stress from the miscarriage and the emotional toll it took on me is also affecting my work. I know you are never suppose to talk about your work, I mean look at what happened to dooce. I just can't seem to get anything at work to actually, I don't know, WORK! Which is, in turn, stressing me out more and then making things not work even more. It's a vicious cycle and I can't seem to straighten it out!!!! drip, drip, drip, drip.

My dog is also vomiting on a regular basis for no reason and I am not sure if I have Oed yet since my cycle is not acting right and my temps are being crazy. See my entire life is falling apart. I need a turnaround or do over or something. Anything. drip, drip you get the picture...

tick tick tick

I have had a very adventuresom past 2 days. Both days I have awoken to the horrible high pitched squealing that is our alarm system being set off by my DH who forgets that we have an alarm and opens the door before turning it off. Good morning racing heart! Not to mention he goes to work by 6am so this all occurs some time between 5:30 and 6. Fun times! Also apparently my cats set the alarm off today while I was out at lunch and I had to leave my very wonderful Indian buffet lunch and rush home to find a scowling cop peering in my windows trying to see the alleged burglar. False alarm + 100 degree weather does not = happy cop!

I am getting close to my O time (ovulation for those that are TTC virgins). I am using some new OPKs and I am about ready to throw them out the window! Seriously like I need any other form of stress in my life. I mean who enjoys sitting on the toilet for 10 minutes while you analyze the darkness of the freaking line in the square window as compared to the darkness of the line in the round window, and Oh My God what if I say it is negative and it is actually positive and miss my fertile window for this month. Or what if I assume it is positive and it is not and I fret for days waiting for my temps to go up which they never do. What if my DH is not up to sex tonight and if he is and I am not Oing then how will I get him to be up for sex tomorrow or the next day and so on and so forth. Because let me tell you, all men are not up for sex all the time and if they say they are then they are LYING! Plus what man doesn't get a little suspicious when all of a sudden you are pulling out the old lingerie from the honeymoon and actually initiating sex like EVERY night. What man wants to be used just for the purpose of producing an offspring? It is utterly EXHAUSTING!!!!

I do however think that I am getting close to that window since I am super emotional. I think I am having a strange Pavlovian response to being in my car alone. The day we found out about my miscarriage I had to drive myself home since I had come from work and my DH met me at the doctors office. I cried the whole way home that day and ever since it seems my car is the "safe" place to let it all out. I can just be driving down the road listening to the music and all of a sudden I have tears pouring down my face. I am sure that the guy in the car next to me must think I am a lunatic. Anything can set me off, a commercial, a song, the DJ, the way the car in front of me slams on her brakes a little to fast. I am a driving time bomb. Then I am in a sad mood the rest of the day. So if you are ever in my town and you see a crazy lady driving down the road with her sunglasses on and tears pouring down her face roll your window down and yell out the window, "Hey I like your blog". Don't worry yelling out of a moving vehicle in the south is perfectly acceptable behavior.......y'all

sheathing it

I have spent most of this lovely, and by lovely I mean hot as hell, day cleaning. Cleaning my floors, walls, windows, furniture, clothes and my horse. Cleaning the house is a regular occurrence since I seem to have a slight case of OCD when it comes to the cleanliness of my abode. However cleaning the horse is not a regular thing, and generally only happens say twice maybe three times a year. I'm sure I will have someone from the ASPCA or PETA knocking on my door soon. I guess I should clarify exactly what body part on my horse was in need of a good cleaning. His sheath. Yep, that's right I had to clean my 1000 lb horses PENIS. For all of you non horse people out there in blog world this is perhaps the grossest single thing that anyone who owns a male horse is subjected to. In fact most people actually pay the vet to do this. If you really want a good laugh you can watch this video I found on you tube about the whole wonderful experience. However don't blame me for any nightmares or emotional damage. So that is the fun day I had. Strangely enough I do not have to sedate him to do any of this, he actually seems to enjoy it.
Please also go pay your condolences to two of my fellow bloggers who found out that their little beans had passed on yet again. Life and Love in the Petri Dish and Sprogblogger How unfair is life and TTC at times and when does it end?!

Shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist, most of the time.

Well to make myself feel better I have been doing some things around the house, well I guess you could say mainly shopping to add things to the house! Who doesn't enjoy shopping a little here and there, don't tell my DH though! I am absolutely in love with Etsy.com it is the best place to get one of a kind items and just overall really cool stuff!!!! I ordered the pictures for the guest/baby room there and I just love them, see here. Then last night while trolling around on the Internet I came across a seller on Etsy that has vinyl wall decals. Since I felt like the guest/baby room needed a little bit more of something I decided to buy a vinyl tree decal for one of the walls that is bare.

Isn't it the cutest thing!! Did you notice the birds?! Love them, in fact I ordered an extra set one in blue and one in pink, just in case......
I got it from Single Stone Studios and I absolutely love it. Hopefully I will be as in love with it when I see it in person as I am now.

Once I get it up in the room I will post a picture of it.
Man I love shopping it is a great stress reliever, well until you get the credit card bill, glad I am in charge of the bills! Love you sweetie!!!!!

Here is to Judas

So I am not going to lie the last few days have really really sucked. I thought that I was ready for dear AF to make her visit. Almost actually looking forward to it since it would mean that we were a-okay to beginning our full blown TTC BD marathon. I guess I was just fooling myself. I knew she was coming when I started spotting, but I was not even at all a little bit emotionally prepared to deal with her arrival. Just having that constant back aching, cramping, sore boobs, exhausted, emotionally draining reminder that hey your not pregnant sucked, a lot a whole lot. It took me back to that horrible worst day of my life so far. I don't think I have been this upset about that day since.... well that day. Luckily I have not really had to deal with anyone (or I should say no one has had to suffer with me) for the last few days but my DH, but hey by now he is use to my crazy mood swings and irrational crying fits. Love you hunny!

I guess it all the extra hormones or just my hyper sensitivity to anything having to remotely do with baby/children but I have noticed a LOT recently how bad some people treat their children, and it is appalling. For example my DH and I were at a buffet the other night (I am sure I have mentioned I am one of those people that like to eat my sorrow away) and this women arrived at the same time we did and it was raining. We all got out of our cars and her little girl who looked about 3 or 4 got out and tripped on her shoes. She was wearing sandals that looked to small for her along with a pair of overalls that were way to small for her she kept pulling at them since they were riding up. Her mother grabbed her by the arm and jerked her up and told her to stop it. Uh maybe I am confused but stop what? Tripping? Like she did it on purpose? Then while we were getting our food she tripped again and ran into her mother to stop herself from falling. Her mother then proceeded to SCREAM profanity at her while carrying her by one arm back to her table. I was shocked. I mean standing in the buffet line with my mouth wide open staring wide eyed at this crazy woman. I should have walked over to her and grabbed her by her arm and screamed in her face "Do you realize how many women would die to have your precious child you stupid, selfish, self absorbed, mean, hateful bitch!" Well this is what came to me after I regained my composure, closed my mouth and went back to my table. I mean do people not realize how completely lucky they are to even have the miracle that is a child and how some people try so hard and suffer so much and never get to share in that miracle. I just don't understand, not at all.
So we also finally went back to church this weekend....... but that is for another post to much emotion for one day.