The good with the bad
So I have found the remedy to all of my sadness and it comes wrapped up in a small little package. A baby. Yep that right the secret to happiness is a small, helpless, wiggling, screaming, crying ball of infant. Unfortunately this tonic is also my poison, or at least when I am not around said baby it is like poison. I had a wonderful night with some of my good friends who happened to have recently birthed said baby, well one of them did at least. I have to say that the whole time I was around this little bundle of joy I did not even think about how sad I was about my miscarriage. How can you think of anything sad when you have the cutest little time consumer right at your fingertips? I have not had the pleasure of being around a large amount of infants. My family is not very big and they do not live close enough to visit regularly. Plus I don’t have a lot of friends that are in baby mode; in fact most of my friends don’t even want children. I guess you can say I have been oblivious to the wonder and joy a little baby can bring into your life. Of course Lord knows I have been trying to produce one so I can share in this experience. So getting to spend a few hours with a baby was GREAT! Not to mention even with little experience I have to say I am amazingly good with them. So I got to hold, feed, and even help change the little prince of the household. I really did not want to leave and I would have stayed forever except my DH was getting a little antsy (he is not much on babies, somehow their magic has no effect on him) and the little ones parents were starting to look exhausted (I can only imagine the level of exhaustion an infant can produce). So we said our goodbyes and back out we went into the world of babylessness. Then BOOM the magic was gone. I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling. Being around that little 10 lb bundle only made me realize like never before just how much I longed and ached for a baby of my own. It is such an indescribable heartbreaking desire that unless you have felt it there is no way to understand and no way for me to describe it. I know that one day I will have my very own pooping, peeing, eating machine to love but until then I will spend as much time with other people’s babies as I can. Because even thought it was heartbreaking leaving there is nothing better for the pain than the feeling of that little baby in your arms. Like they say, you have to take the good with the bad……..